“By channeling our energy towards something bigger than ourselves, we discover our own strength, and our energy comes back to us.” (from chapter 3 of my upcoming book).
Sometimes the Best Thing You Can Do for Yourself is to Help Someone Else
By transforming your negative energy from childhood into positive action on behalf of others, you will achieve personal growth and uncover the true inner strength that resides within. Aside from the fact that evidence pointing to this by leading world researchers is abundant, I know this to be true on a personal level, because I’ve experienced this in my life.
Growing up as a child of domestic violence, I felt alone and isolated. I felt that I was the only one going through this and that nobody else could relate to my experiences, that I had no one and nowhere to turn. I struggled to feel connected, struggled with feelings of self-doubt, guilt, and mistrust of others. I couldn’t fully understand these feelings or their origin, and unable to find answers, I felt frustrated.
I Pushed Myself Towards Accomplishments that Never Felt Like Enough
Although I felt this way, I managed to push myself to achieve the goals I wanted. I was setting goals for myself and succeeding. Yet, and the end of the day, I still often felt not fully accomplished, not fully confident, somehow lost, somehow incomplete.
My desire to find answers and free myself from these feelings led me down a path as I began researching the issue that had impacted my life. While searching, I came across countless others who had experienced things very similar to those that I had experienced and had many of the same feelings I did. They were children of domestic violence, like me. 40 million other adults who had grown up in a household just like mine. 5 million children who were living in one at this very moment. I realized for the 1st time that I wasn’t alone, and that gave me a feeling of strength and belonging.
I Realized that Helping Others Who Grew Up Like I Did Was the Best Path Forward
What I realized was that many children of domestic violence are held back from reaching their full potential because of the falsehoods we had learned in childhood. With 45 million impacted in the U.S. alone and nearly 1 billion globally, the lost human potential was unimaginable. This fueled an earnest desire and momentum in me to uncover the answer to the question “Why” and find solutions to help them. Out of this passion, Children of Domestic Violence was born, as I dedicated the last 7 years searching for the answers and solutions to help children of domestic violence break the cycle and reach their full potential. During these seven years, I’ve found many answers and created effective tools to help as many people as possible.
But what I also discovered by focusing on this cause and seeking to serve others was a pathway to overcoming my own past, finding healing, and achieving personal growth. In my pursuit, I discovered many truths about myself and my life that had previously eluded me, and I applied these insights to change the trajectory of my life for the better across the board. While serving others felt right and was its own reward, this journey helped reshape my own beliefs, transform my values, and enrich my life in ways I never imagined. By channeling my negative, angry, frustrated energy into a passionate pursuit of something bigger than myself, I was able to transform my own sense of self and change my life.
I encourage you to do the same – to seek answers and healing in service to others. Whether it is through CDV or elsewhere, by helping to make a difference for others and working to change their lives, you can also change your own life and discover the pathway to post-traumatic growth and full potential. The answers are in you; you just have to know they’re there and give them an outlet.
You can find more answers and TRUTHS in my upcoming book, coming out this summer. Check back for more details.
Brian F. Martin
Founder & CEO
CDV-Children of Domestic Violence
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