Understanding the impact of childhood domestic violence – a Step by Step process

Expose the lies, reveal the truths, break unhelpful patterns and cultivate new empowering ones each day

In order to understand childhood domestic violence, you must first understand the Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE's) you faced in your home

Several decades ago, the Center for Disease Control and Kaiser Permanente conducted a sweeping study that tracked two decades of data for 20,000+ individuals impacted by the ‘adversities they faced in their childhood home.  By ‘adversities’ they meant, painful experiences that a person faces in childhood, which are a result of or caused by a parent or significant other.  As an example, physical child abuse, when a child is physically hit, is considered one of the adversities.  This  landmark study identified 10 categories of Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs).  Childhood Domestic Violence (CDV) was one of the adversities, however they did not have a name for it at the time, so they used descriptors in its place.  Descriptors like, ‘Was your mother or stepmother often pushed, grabbed, slapped or had something thrown at her.”  There were several more of these ‘descriptors’ used to identify if someone expeirenced childhood domestic violence.

What was also identified was that if you experienced childhood domestic violence, you almost always expeirenced another ‘adverse childhood experience’.  Childhood domestic violence is not expeirenced in a vacuum.  And more than half of those who experience CDV, experience at least FIVE other adversities in their childhood home.  What are some of these adversities?  In addition to childhood domestic violence and physical child abuse, the researchers identified, child sexual abuse, emotional abuse, divorce, poverty, emotional neglect, parental incarceration, parental drug/alcohol abuse and parental mental illness. Death of a parent or parental figure was added as an adverse childhood experience after the study was completed.

“No matter the adversity faced in your childhood home, there is an impact in common that goes well beyond the pain experienced in the moment.  And that is this – you form negative beliefs about yourself as a result of growing up facing adversity in your childhood home.

Negative beliefs like, I’m guilty, fearful or worthless.  In the same way that there are 10 adversities, there are 10 common negative beliefs or LIES you learns about who you believe you are, and they hold you back from reaching your innate potential and experiencing all the happiness that was meant for you.

These lies do not just go away when one reaches adulthood.  They grow stronger, unless they are challenged.  And when they are challenged, you are then able to utilize the hidden strengths the experience left behind.  I’ve developed an exercise to uncover the lies and reveal the truths – this exercise is the first step.”

- Brian F. Martin, Author of Invincible and Founder & CEO of Childhood Domestic Violence Association

Did you grow up in a home living with domestic violence? Did you face other adversities in your childhood home? If so this simple, five minute exercise was created as a first step.

This simple, straightforward exercise comes in the form of a worksheet.  It takes about five minutes to complete, its something you can do on your own and is worth the effort.  The most common testimonial we receive from someone after completing the exercise is, “Why hasn’t anyone ever pointed this out to me before?  This is so simple.”

“Resilience does not come from rare and special qualities, but from the everyday magic of ordinary, normative human relationships.”– Ann Masten, Professor Institute of Child Development University of Minnesota. 

Access the worksheet to complete the exercise now.

What to Expect from this Exercise

We Understand:

  • You are not looking for an excuse
  • You are not looking for someone to blame
  • Now that you know that you experienced an adversity in your childhood home and you know what to call it, you are looking for answers 
  • You want to know how it impacted you and to understand the steps that need to be taken

This Exercise Is Not:

  • Therapy
  • Trying to “fix” you – because you are not broken
  • Focused on the hurt in your past
  • About blaming others for where you are in your life
  • A “motivational” program that pumps you up but then leaves you floundering

This Exercise Is:

  • One that will empower you to become stronger, more confident, and in control of your life
  • Certain to expose the LIES you learned and unlock the TRUTHS and STRENGTHS you acquired because of what you experienced
  • Designed to help you reach your innate potential and to help others do the same

Expose the lies & reveal the truths - the step by step process

Step 1: Download WORKSHEET 1 below and complete the five minute exercise.  This will allow you to reveal the lies – the common cluster of negative beliefs that, if unchallenged, can last well into adulthood.  These negative beliefs you back from reaching your innate potential.

Step 2: Once the lies are exposed, you can move to the second part of the exercise and download WORKSHEET 2 and reveal the corresponding TRUTHS.  These are the empowering beliefs that you also formed, beliefs that the lies have overshaodowed.  This process allows you logically challenge the lies with you adult brain, which you did not have in childhood.   With this clarity, the truths truly do set you free.

Step 3: Celebrate and congratulate yourself!  If you are ready for another step , sign up for our CDV Workshop to further prove the truths and cultivate them daily.

1) Expose the LIES
2) Reveal the TRUTHS
3) Take the FREE Workshops