Last Updated on August 8, 2016 by Cindy Bekesi
“The worst guilt to accept is an undeserved guilt.” –Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged
If you grew up living with domestic violence, it is highly likely that you carry with you a false sense of GUILT – a false sense of shame. You believe that you are somehow guilty or that you have something to be ashamed of. That it was your fault.
Let’s look at it more specifically.
The LIE: You are somehow responsible for the violence you lived with during early life. It was somehow your fault or you could have stopped it. It is a child’s job to control the actions of adults. Hence, there is something inherently wrong with you.
Why do we feel this way?
In childhood, the emotional brain is fully developed, but the neo-cortex – the logical thinking center – is not fully developed until adulthood. As a child, you felt all the emotions fully, but you did not have a developed, rationale part of the brain to understand what was happening – to understand the Truth. Thus, as a child, you falsely concluded that it was your fault or that you could have done something differently to alter the outcome. Or that you were in some way wrong. This belief then becomes part of you – becomes true – and is not challenged in adulthood. It is simply fact.
But what is the TRUTH? You are finally FREE. You are free from the environment of your childhood. It is now your time to be free from the illusion of guilt and shame as well. Freedom is not something you can physically see. But freedom gives you the choice to take action. So, your freedom is made visible through action. Guilt and shame destroy willpower, which keeps you from acting, and this false belief has held you back long enough. You are designed to act in ways that move you closer to your full potential.
What step can I take today? The key step is to SHARE – share with another your story or share with yourself, through pen and paper. Specifically, conversation with another helps transform the meaning. You will then see more clearly how you were never guilty, how there is no reason to feel shame, how you are finally free.
For an overview of the 3 most common LIES growing up with domestic violence teaches, and the practical steps you can take towards the TRUTHS, click HERE.
How else does growing up with domestic violence impact a life? Learn more HERE.