Last Updated on August 22, 2016 by Cindy Bekesi
Did You Or Someone You Care About Grow Up Living With Domestic Violence?
If you did, you experienced childhood domestic violence, or CDV. By definition, from a childhood standpoint domestic violence is violence between parents or violence towards a parent violence can be physical or non-physical.
CDV negatively impacts a developing brain and the formation of the cognitive belief system. It implants a series of LIES—falsehoods—that the person grows up to believe. Often, throughout childhood and into adulthood, they have a false sense of shame & guilt.
As adults, many commonly continue to falsely believe they are:
1. GUILTY – convinced that it was their fault, that they should have stopped it, they feel shame.
Children think emotionally, not rationally. When you were exposed to domestic violence as a child, your brain drew the wrong conclusions: I couldn’t stop it, but I should have. It happened because of me. There is just something wrong with me. Often into adulthood, these falsehoods go unchallenged.
2. WORTHLESS – unimportant, not good enough, a failure.
Your parents didn’t care enough to love and protect you from harm. They didn’t stop the violence for your sake. It literally makes you feel unimportant and worth-less. If the people who created you don’t care for you, who else will? You conclude that you must not be that valuable.
3. FEARFUL – uncertain, timid, lacking true confidence inside.
When you grow up under the constant threat of violence in your home, you are always on high alert, looking out for threats – some real and some imaginary. It makes you feel anxious and uncertain, worried about the next thing that might happen. You feel like you’re walking on eggshells, unsure about everything. You lose the natural confidence that you were born with and this often continues into adulthood.
But for each of these LIES, there is a transformative TRUTH.
How can you embrace the truths? According to research, change can happen through awareness, understanding, and sharing. These are the first steps. Understanding the Lies and the transformative Truths—that you are NOT guilty, that there is no shame—this allows you to finally feel free.
You are NOT fearful, you are confident. You are NOT worthless, you are accomplished. The truth is that no obstacle you will ever face can compare to what you went through in childhood and have already conquered. Through awareness and understanding, we can unlearn the Lies and instill the Truths to help us reach our full potential.