We learn 10 pervading lies while growing up with domestic violence. I discuss each one in my book Invincible.

In this blog post, however, I want to particularly highlight the lie of resentment. This is a poisonous emotion that makes it impossible to experience happiness. In addition, when we hold resentment toward an experience or a person, it can make it impossible for us to cultivate the gifts within us that were forged in the flames of our pain and suffering.

Nevertheless there is hope. You can unlearn the lie of resentment and discover the compassion hiding beneath that bitterness by having compassion for yourself, for others, and for the people who hurt you—for they may have been children of domestic violence as well.

This does not excuse them or their behaviors and actions. However compassion allows us to find that place within us where we can let go. Compassion allows us to free ourselves from the past so that we can live into our future.

Remember, this is for our own well being, it does not need to be for the well being of those who hurt you.


When we release our resentment we discover that it arose out of an absence of self-compassion. Without healthy models of compassion, and often without anyone showing compassion towards us, we learned as children to be hard on ourselves, to blame ourselves, to perhaps even loathe or punish ourselves for the violence we observed or were subject to.

Wherever you are in your life now, it’s possible to build on that resilience. You are precisely where you were meant to be. You have that power. Most important, remember that one change will create momentum.

For many, simply reading these words, or even just relating to the stories of others contained on this blog, can be the first step in a broader transformation. As you unlearn the lies that were unconsciously encoded in you when you were a child and you free yourself from them, you can begin a journey toward reclaiming the life you were meant to live.

Anyone can create the life he or she desires. You too can join the ranks of courageous men and women who have decided to see themselves not as victims but as their true selves: free, compassionate, grateful, trusting, passionate, guided, accomplished, confident, attractive, and loving.

Your time is now. You deserve this; your loved ones deserve this. This is who you were meant to be.

In what ways are you feeling ready to make this journey away from resentment and into compassion?