What Is Fear from Childhood Trauma?
We’re all aware of the cliché that there’s nothing to fear but fear itself. However, any person who has experienced adversity in childhood would beg to differ. We each discovered all too well the many things there are to fear. We carry fear from things that happened long ago, even in situations that are inappropriate for that fear. However, fear can also be seen as a valuable ally that helps us prepare and plan, allowing us to bring confidence and courage to our actions, rather than reacting solely out of fear.
Why Those Who Have Been Through CDV Struggle with Confidence
You see, fear in itself is not the problem. The lie that you must always be afraid, that that fear should drive your action, and that the world is a dangerous place, is the problem. Here, we unravel that LIE by stating it plainly so you can see it for precisely what it is. Then, we will show you the path to embrace the truth of confidence, directly through powerful affirmative statements you can repeat whenever you need to remind yourself that you are confident.
Finally, I provide you with five tips to help you transform a state of fear into one of confidence.
The Lie: You are fearful. You lack confidence and courage because you were unable to stop the violence you grew up with in your childhood home. You will always be afraid of rejection because you were in some way rejected by those who created you. It’s safer to shrink down and fit in. You are destined to go through life allowing fear and anxiety to hold you back, to stop you from realizing your goals and dreams.
The Why: The conditioning effects of living with fear alter a child’s brain architecture. Exposure to chronic stress activates the part of the brain that detects danger, putting it on high alert. fear becomes the default response to everything. You naturally focus on all the bad things that could happen, and that thought process stops you from taking action.
The Truth: I am confident. There is a natural confidence and certainty that was conditioned in me from a very early age.
There is no fear that I could potentially face this day that compares to the fears I have already faced and overcome.
I recall this simple fact when facing a fear that holds me back from reaching my full potential. I am confident. There is nothing that can be thrown at me that I can’t handle.
5 Daily Habits to Replace Fear with Confidence
1) Consider what you most desire to accomplish in these key areas of your life: career, family, finances, intimate relationships, or physical health. Clearly state your specific outcome as a focused statement, such as “I have a rewarding, lucrative career that I love and that gives me a sense of accomplishment and appreciation.” Write down these three outcomes and place them where you can access them each day.
2) Note how you want to make progress on each of those outcomes over the next three months. Also, write down three action steps for each outcome that you can take this week. Choose actions that are straightforward for you to do, and that will build momentum.
3) Take three minutes or so each day to say the outcomes aloud. After you do that, see them in your mind as if they had already happened. For example, close your eyes and imagine a TV screen in front of you that shows you realizing and living that desired outcome. Think of it as a thirty‐second commercial. Let the commercial for each outcome loop a couple of times.
4) Schedule time this week to take the action steps you wrote down.
5) When you know you need to act, but something is holding you back, adopt a power pose and take the first step with confidence.
When to Seek Support to Rebuild Confidence
Rebuilding confidence after growing up with Childhood Domestic Violence can take time, and it’s okay if you can’t do it alone. Support may be helpful if:
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You constantly second-guess your decisions or doubt your worth
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Fear, shame, or self-criticism hold you back from relationships or opportunities
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You feel stuck in cycles of self-sabotage or overachievement
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Your coping strategies no longer work or cause harm
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You’ve tried self-help tools but still feel overwhelmed or defeated
Seeking help isn’t weakness—it’s wisdom. Whether through therapy, peer support, books, or trauma-informed programs, healing becomes more possible when you don’t go it alone. Remember, support doesn’t necessarily have to come in the form of talk therapy.
Repeat After Me: “Fear Has No Power Over Me” – It’s Simply a Reminder that I Have to Prepare
The choice is now yours. You can decide that fear no longer has any power over you. The best way to do this is to remember that when you feel fearful, it’s simply a reminder to prepare and make real the outcomes that are most important to you.
The more you prepare, the more confident you can become.
Remember, you are no longer that little child. You are empowered. You are aware. And you can create the life you want to have. Begin today.
I wish you well!
If you’re not sure whether or not you grew up with domestic violence, feel free to use our free and private CDV screening questionnaire.