The Overlooked Link Between Childhood Domestic Violence and Behavior Struggles in Kids

Do you know a child who exhibits a behavioral disorder, such as anxiety, depression, aggression, or social withdrawal?

Researchers have found that Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) are the root of many behavioral disorders, but there’s one ACE that many people forget about: Childhood Domestic Violence (CDV).

What Is CDV, and How Common Is It

How CDV Leads to Behavioral Disorders

Experiencing domestic violence can have a profound impact on a child’s development, often resulting in behavioral disorders and other emotional and psychological problems. About three in five children who experience CDV develop behavioral disorders. These behaviors can persist well into adulthood, affecting a child’s ability to form healthy relationships, maintain employment, and function effectively in society.

One reason for this is that witnessing domestic violence can lead to a feeling of helplessness and a loss of control. Additionally, about three in five children who experience CDV blame themselves, carrying undue guilt and shame.

Feelings of helplessness, guilt, and shame can create a sense of anxiety and fear that can be difficult to shake. These feelings can also manifest in other ways, such as a tendency to become easily frustrated or angry, or a tendency to act out in an attempt to regain a sense of control.

Children who grow up around domestic violence often live in a state of constant stress. When conflict and fear become part of a child’s daily life, their brain adapts to survive, rather than feeling safe and connected. Over time, this chronic stress can change how they think, feel, and behave.

The body’s stress response system—meant to help in emergencies—stays active too long. This can affect brain areas involved in emotion regulation, impulse control, and attention. As a result, children may react with anger quickly, shut down emotionally, or struggle to follow rules. These behaviors can appear as defiance or aggression, but they often stem from fear and confusion.

Because the child can’t control the chaos around them, they may try to control their surroundings in other ways. Acting out, avoiding people, or refusing to listen are often signs of internal overwhelm, not simply “bad behavior.”

When this goes unnoticed or unsupported, the patterns can grow into more serious behavioral disorders over time. Recognizing that CDV can be a root cause helps shift the response from punishment to support.

What are some other ways CDV impacts children?

Children who witness domestic violence may also experience a range of other emotional and psychological problems. For example, they may struggle with trust issues, have difficulty forming attachments, and experience difficulty regulating their emotions. This can make it difficult for them to form healthy relationships and can also affect their ability to perform well in school. For example, one study suggests that 43% of children living with CDV read at a level below their peers.

In addition, children who witness domestic violence are more likely to become victims or perpetrators of violence themselves. This is because they may grow up believing that violence is an acceptable way to resolve conflicts, or because they may have a skewed view of what constitutes a healthy relationship. This can create a cycle of violence that can be difficult to break.

Common Disorders Linked to CDV in Children

Children who grow up with domestic violence may not always show visible signs of distress, but the effects can run deep. Over time, repeated exposure to fear, conflict, or unpredictability can lead to patterns of behavior that reflect the stress they’ve carried. In many cases, these patterns develop into diagnosable behavioral disorders.

Here are some of the most common:

• Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD): Children may become easily angered, frequently argue with adults, or deliberately refuse to follow rules. This is often a way of trying to regain control in a world that feels unsafe.

• Conduct Disorder (CD): Some children act out in more serious ways—bullying others, breaking rules, or harming property. These behaviors often reflect deep emotional pain, not just rebellion.

• Anxiety Disorders: Growing up with fear can make children overly alert to danger. They may avoid people, worry constantly, or have trouble sleeping or concentrating.

• Depression: Sadness, hopelessness, or a loss of interest in once-loved activities may point to depression. Children may not be able to describe these feelings, but they often manifest in behavior, energy, and mood.

• Post-Traumatic Stress Symptoms: Some children relive what they saw, avoid reminders of the violence, or seem numb and disconnected. These are common trauma responses, especially if no support followed the violence.

These disorders don’t mean a child is broken. They are signals of stress that haven’t had a safe place to go. When adults understand the link between CDV and behavior, they can respond with care instead of blame, giving children a better chance to recover.

Signs a Child May Be Affected by CDV

Not all children who witness violence at home will show obvious signs right away. Some become quiet and withdrawn. Others act out. Many don’t talk about what they’ve seen, either because they don’t know how or because they’re trying to protect others.

Still, some patterns may suggest a child is struggling with the effects of CDV:

• Sudden outbursts of anger or aggression, especially over minor frustrations

• Refusal to follow rules or frequent arguments with adults

• Trouble sleeping, frequent nightmares, or fatigue during the day

• Avoiding people, places, or conversations that remind them of conflict

• Frequent stomachaches, headaches, or other unexplained physical symptoms

• Strong need for control or resistance to change in routine

• Excessive guilt, self-blame, or statements like “It was my fault”

• Trouble focusing in school or losing interest in things they once enjoyed

• Overreacting to criticism or withdrawing completely from attention

These signs are often a child’s way of managing fear or confusion. They’re not just “bad behavior.” They’re signals that something bigger is going on beneath the surface. When adults notice and respond with steadiness and care, the child has a much better chance of feeling safe and supported again.

How to Support a Child Showing Behavior Issues

When a child shows frequent defiance, aggression, or withdrawal, it’s easy to feel frustrated or unsure of what to do. But behavior is often a form of communication, especially for children who have witnessed conflict or violence at home. They may not know how to express what they’re feeling, so it manifests in their behavior.

Here are some ways adults can respond with support instead of punishment:

• Be a positive influence – Researchers have found that when children have positive adult influences, they are better equipped to overcome traumatic experiences, such as CDV.
• Encourage the development of talents and skills – Studies show that when children focus on developing their abilities and skills, their resilience to trauma is strengthened.
• Be willing to listen – When children have the opportunity to talk about and label their feelings, they are better able to heal from Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs).
• Practice mindfulness exercises with them – Psychologists find that practicing mindfulness activities can help “reduce past-oriented traumatic memories and future-oriented anticipatory fears.”
• Take our online Change A Life program – This 40-minute program teaches you how to intervene when you know a child living with CDV.
• Stay calm and steady. Children affected by stress often expect conflict. A quiet adult response can help interrupt that cycle.
• Set clear, consistent limits. Predictable rules and routines give structure. Avoid yelling or harsh discipline, which can trigger more fear.
• Notice effort, not just outcomes. Praise moments when the child tries to self-regulate or respond differently, even if it’s small.
• Use simple language to name feelings. Help the child recognize emotions like anger, sadness, or fear without judgment.
• Offer safe outlets for emotion. Drawing, movement, journaling, or quiet play can help them process feelings in a nonverbal way.
• Build in choices. Giving a child small decisions to make helps restore a sense of control that may have been missing at home.
• Stay connected. Check in regularly. Even five minutes of focused attention can help a child feel seen and safe.

Above all, keep in mind that behavior issues aren’t personal failures. They’re often signs of stress that haven’t had a place to go. Responding with patience and structure helps create the stability children need to begin unlearning what they’ve absorbed.

Non‑Therapy Tools to Help Support Children

Not every family has access to therapy. Some children aren’t ready to talk, and others may struggle to open up even with professional help. However, coping doesn’t depend solely on formal therapy. There are simple, structured tools that adults can use to help children feel safer and more understood.

Here are a few that make a difference:

• Guided journals for kids – These offer prompts that help children identify and express feelings, often through drawings, checkboxes, or short phrases.

• Printable worksheets – Emotion wheels, “feelings trackers,” and behavior charts can provide kids with a sense of structure and control during challenging times.

• Storybooks about feelings and safety – Reading together can help normalize difficult emotions and open the door to quiet, reflective conversations.

• Emotion cards or visual aids – These help children name what they feel when they don’t yet have the words to express it. They’re beneficial for younger kids.

• Routine-building tools – Tools like daily check-in calendars or bedtime planning sheets provide children with predictability and help reduce stress.

• Caregiver guides – Short, clear resources with examples of what to say, what to look for, and how to respond without escalating conflict.

You don’t need to use all of these. Start with one or two that feel doable. What matters most is consistency. When children know what to expect and know that someone is showing up for them again and again, the ground under their feet starts to feel a little steadier.