5 million children in the US alone grow up living in homes with violence every year. 5 million children all have something in common that defines their lives for years to come – they’re children of domestic violence.
How is it that there is currently less than 10% awareness among the general population about this social issue?
In chapter 1 of CDV’s upcoming book, we learn a few reasons. Author Brian F. Martin, founder and CEO of CDV, explains, “Children don’t talk about it…They’re afraid that if they say something outside the house they may get into more trouble. Or maybe they are afraid that one of their parents will get locked up and they’ll be taken away into foster care. Or maybe they will put one of their parents in greater peril.”
Brian goes on to explain that the adults who are engaging in the violence don’t talk about it for obvious reasons. There is a lack of discussion among the adults who are partaking in the abuse, as they won’t risk becoming involved with the law. And anyone else who’s aware it may be happening stays silent either because they believe it isn’t their place and would be out of line.
Jeffrey Brenner, M.D., founder of the Camden Coalition of Healthcare Providers, explains that throughout his career, he noticed those who suffered trauma early in life undisputedly showed effects well into their adulthood. Wanting to understand the larger picture, Dr. Brenner beganto discuss his findings comprehensively with his colleagues. No sooner did he say something, he was told, “[…] not to pull up the lid on something you don’t have the time and training to treat, like early life trauma.“
There is no doubt that we as a society are groomed to perpetuate a stigma around speaking openly about childhood domestic violence. Because it seems like a private issue on the surface and nobody is talking about it, many feel shame, isolation, or fear. This prevents those impacted from speaking out to seek help to stop the cycle of violence because they feel they’re betraying their families.
But it does not have to be this way. How can each of us help change that? TALK about it. This is the first step to increasing awareness, which drives change. Building awareness can have a significant impact not only for the emotional well-being of those impacted and our ability to address the issue more effectively as a society, but also on our medical, court, and legal systems, which can help usher in critical change the can transform the odds for these children.
Those who were impacted can finally realize they’re not alone and can be validated as they work to heal and overcome this legacy to reach their full potential.
Everything Brian says is absolutely true. Nobody wants to talk about this issue, especially when it is on-going. That is the issue we all need to address and for which we need to make changes. I lived my entire childhood in the chaos of domestic violence that even included guns shoved in my mouth to quiet my screams. I continued helping my mother even as an adult and once I was married. Domestic Violence is a social issue that is only recently being addressed for its damage to the adults. It is more than time that we begin to speak out as the damaged children survivors of this social secret.
Hello again,
Very sorry to hear the disarray of your childhood. The reason childhood domestic violence has less than 10% awareness is because of two major factors. First, up until now, there was just no name to call this – so the nearly 1 billion who grew up with domestic violence didn’t even have a name for what they went through and no one knew what to call it.When something has no name – is undefined – it is difficult to understand, relate, speak about, or even think about it, because our brain is programmed to think using known words. Second, domestic violence has always carried a lot of stigma, being viewed as an uncomfortable, private, and shameful matter that is not to be discussed. If you are or were impacted, you learn that telling is something you don’t do. As a child, you’re afraid that if you tell, you might get the people you love in trouble or end up begin taken away. As an adult, you believe it would be betraying or dishonoring your family, so you keep the secret to yourself. So, thank you for sharing your story with us. By doing so, you are getting the word out, but also helping yourself heal.