We’re Glad You’re Here

By CDV Have You Ever Felt a New Connection Fall Apart? Have you ever started to forge a connection with someone, only to have one or both of you shut down the connection as you began to open up? As I mentioned in my previous post, this happened to my wife and me. After tentatively opening up to her and feeling rejected for it, I decided that perhaps it was better to keep parts of me and my past...

By CDV Children Can Make a Difference in Their Parents' Abusive Relationship Did you know that when children speak up about domestic violence, their parents are more likely to consider stopping their violent behavior? Studies have shown that simply knowing the traumatic effects of violence on children creates a strong motivation for abusive parents to stop. Many parents and other caregivers in...

By CDV Childhood Domestic Violence Teaches Us Lessons We Don't Need to Live With We learn 10 pervading lies while growing up with domestic violence. I discuss each one in my book Invincible. In this blog post, however, I want to particularly highlight the lie of resentment. This is a poisonous emotion that makes it impossible to experience happiness. In addition, when we hold resentment toward...

By CDV Why is Childhood Domestic Violence so Unknown? As we face society’s relative silence around children living with domestic violence and the adults who grew up with it in the past, it helps to also consider why adults might choose to remain silent about any domestic violence they are involved in or are witnessing. When we do look at it closely, we unravel the lie that silence somehow saves...

Childhood Domestic Violence Doesn't Have to Limit Your Success Did you know that some of the most accomplished and celebrated people grew up living with domestic violence? As we begin to look at the unsung gifts of adversity, I want to acknowledge those in the spotlight who have overcome their childhoods growing up with domestic violence and have made an impact and fulfilled their personal...

Childhood Domestic Violence Can Make Us Feel Alone, Even When We're Surrounded Life after a childhood of domestic violence can feel very lonely. Such children learn early on that it can be safer to isolate themselves; they also develop the belief that they cannot trust others, and so they keep everyone at a distance. The good news, however, is that loneliness and purposeful isolation are simply...

Childhood Domestic Violence is the Unknown Adverse Childhood Experience (ACE) Name-calling is often a sign of bullying. When growing up with domestic violence, however, it is the lack of naming that is damaging. What if defining that complex experience could actually help you heal it? What if recognizing it was the first step? For example, as society came to define and name violence against...

We Grew Up Thinking It Was Safer to Be Alone Children who grow up with domestic violence often learn the lie that it’s safer to be alone. They learn that when you let others into your heart or your home, they can hurt you if they want to. Such children also learn that just because they trust someone doesn’t mean that trust won't be betrayed. It becomes safer to remain alone. Many who grew up...

A Childhood of Violence Can Make Us Feel Alone as Adults It is common to feel alone when growing up with domestic violence. No one talks about it. We grow up believing that our experiences are normal and that our feelings are wrong or make us weak. The good news is that this is beginning to change. Governments worldwide are recognizing the alarming scale of the problem of growing up with...

Do You Know if You Experienced Childhood Domestic Violence? Do you know if you are a child of domestic violence? You can use our screening tool to find out. Don’t be surprised if you’re not quite sure, or if your mind attempts to discount any "trouble" you may have experienced at home while growing up. Unfortunately, few people are aware of the impact on life that growing up with domestic...